Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Son of God expands retail empire

In a move sure to disrupt Wall Street's notions of an easy future from the first and only spawn of Mary's whoring loins, Christ Himself has expanded His retail stance deep into Central America's gold coast. Citing a strong tourism wave unchecked for the past decade, a strong Costa Rican colon, benevolent local capital investment law, and a consistent and temperate political climate, Jesus hopes to establish an anchor store in Manuel Antonio's most patronized strip of heretofore shabby and disenfranchised local-run retailers, setting tongues wagging and heads shaking in the process.

"What are we to do, mayn?" asks one roadside retailer rhetorically. "While we is proud to have the Son of God open up his outlet for cheap Nicaraguan-made beach towels, floaties and foamie cervesa-coolers right here on our strip, how is we to compete?" Juan-Carlos shrugs his narrow shoulders in defeat. "I pray to Him and His mother every steenkin' night and the **** comes in with refrescos on offer for cheaper than I can buy from my own supplier in San Jose!"

Insider reports indicate that Christ intends to open a Christos' Club right beside the latest WalMart megaplex, which opened last year in Tamarindo.

(sent wirelessly from my phone)


Sparx said...

ah, up to standard and highly amusing... except that of course you know there were two Marys... Mary virgin mother of Christ and Mary Magdal...oh forget it.

Hoto said...

Oops. Thank you, yes. I was referring to the former, not the latter. Magdalene the mistress and Dan Brown's ghost writer, right?

Sparx said...

That's right, yes Hoto, she IS Dan Brown's mistress... I mean... heck with it.